Hikikomori

"Weren't you ever in love?" I asked.
"Being in love and getting married, now, that's two different things. I was in love once, of course I was. Nobody should go through life without falling in love."
"But you didn't love him enough to marry him?"
She [August] smiled at me. "I loved him enough," she said. "I just loved my freedom more."

- page 146, The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd

No, no, no. You probably got the wrong idea when you thought that this was gonna be a mushy kind of post. No, actually it's quite different... But, there! That book is so lovely it did the talking for me. Well, we could all learn a thing or two from August and this is what I got from her. I actually had those last words glued on my mind...

Well, anyway. This post is going to be about my backing out of the application process for a CMC-based organization. Yes, I know, I'm such a fool to back out because the application is fairly easy and I'm only two steps away from being inducted. But, yeah, I'm that complicated that I'd back out during this time. So I texted Kuya Ryan and told him that I was no longer going to continue. As expected, he replied and asked me why. I made a flimsy excuse about having to focus on my academics. But, now, yeah. That is a big, gigantic LIE. Actually, I don't think I care much about academics (as much as I did in the first and the start of this semester). It's like come what may now (during the second semester, at least). But, whatever. I don't want responsibilities and all that stuff that comes with joining an organization. Sure, it's fun - most people would tell me that - but it ain't my kind of life. I'm sorta antisocial and a hikikomori like the girl that Sunako Nakahara is and I LOVE being alone. I'd rather go org-less for all I care. I know, that's kind of funny to most people but that is true to me. I love the loneliness and I'd embrace it happily. Nyah. Maybe that's why I want to be a writer so much because writing is such lonely, lonely work. Maybe that's also why I love books. They're so companion-like and they lull you to sleep... I'd rather spend a whole year in a library ALONE than spend one night in the middle of a crushing crowd and a rock concert.

... But I'm not an emo person. :)