Sad sad sad

November 11, 2009 is a veeeeery sad day for me. A lot of things happened that were not suited to my taste. First of all, my English 12 class (which I was looking forward to) was dissolved. I arrived at CAL a little before 6:30 in the morning (class was supposed to start at 7am) and waited for the guard to open the entrance door. I waited for a few minutes and was soon inside. I looked for my classroom, CAL 311. No one was there when I arrived so I read my copy of the "Food of the gods" by H.G. Wells. Moments later, a girl arrived and asked if the class was English 11. I replied in the negative and said that mine was English 12. She took out her Change Mat form and asked if that English 12 was the English 12 that got dissolved. I said I didn't know. She nodded and went out. I kept the cool exterior but deep in my heart, I was really nervous. A dissolved class meant Change of Matriculation which is a process I don't want to undergo. :P A little later, I discovered that what the girl said was true. English 12 WFQ was really dissolved. I went to my next class (Lingg 1) dejected.

Lingg 1 was fun. Our professor's name is Tuting Hernandez and he's the makulit type of professor, if you know what I mean. Anyway, the class was nice and I'm expecting it to be interactive because of the number of students in the class (30, I think). The only thing I didn't especially like was the grading system. Grades were dictated by only two factors: the first and second long exam which consists of 100 points (not necessarily 100 items, ahem.) each, for a total of 200 points. In order to get a 1.00, I have to get 196-200 points in the exams. 3.00 is given with scores ranging from 120-129. Not that I'm aiming for just a passing grade but it's kind of hard to get to the top. He also said that he hasn't decided yet on what type of exam he'll give. He said that either it could all be objective or a one question exam, which meant that you'll have to reproduce a really good essay. I'm not good at that so I'm praying real hard that Mr. Hernandez would decided on objective. :)

My last class for November 11 was Kasaysayan 2 on the fourth floor of Palma Hall. Our professor was Mr. Gil Gotiango, Jr. II. He speaks in fluent Tagalog. He said a lot of things about the subject but the most striking was when he said that he's not very popular with students because he sets a high standard. Also, he'll give us three exams with two essay questions each. He says he'll give us two hours to answer them but sometimes students ask for extension in the time limit. That made me real nervous. :( But then, he said that he'll try to make the subject easier to understand. I was like, "How'd you that? It's history!!" =( Then he said that there were two people in the class who were his students before in Kasaysayan 1. His words were, "Hindi ko alam kung masohista sila..." and something else. I was like, "Whoaa!! This professor must really be hard."

I never really intended to get Kasaysayan 2. I was actually pre-enlisting for Sociology 10. However, there were no more slots left (they told us this after 5 hours of waiting in line) so I had no choice but to take another subject. Too tired and too disappointed to go to the Department of Archaeology, I took Kas 2 instead since it's located in the same building. Now I know that I should have taken Arkiyoloji 1 instead of this crap. =X

What's done is done though... But one can't help regretting past actions. As soon as I arrived at my room, I flung myself at the bed and cried really badly. I figured that there was a chance that I'd fail Kas 2, or even Lingg 1. It was so frustrating, especially to someone like me who achieved high grades all throughout these past years. Also, the pressure of being a university scholar last semester is driving me like crazy. What would my parents, relatives, and friends think of me if I failed to meet their expectation and got a GWA of 3.0 or something like that? It's just so distressing that until now I'm getting teary-eyed. :'(

I asked Kuya Kelvin if I'll have to take up Kas 2 again in summer if I failed. He said no. I was sorta relieved but the thoughts in the previous paragraphs lingered. I know what I have to do: prove Mr. Gotiangco wrong. But could I? I was not even sure if I'd be able to do that. I'm not even sure if I still want to study here in U.P. But that meant bringing down a lot of people, including my parents and I don't want to let people down. Even if they say it's alright, I know deep inside that it's not.

Maybe I'm just exaggerating everything but I can't help it, you know?

So I made a deal with God. If I don't pass the first exam in Kas 2, I'll drop it. Totally. I haven't told my parents yet but I know they'll be awful sad but I'm so sorry.

Right now (6:10PM in my cellphone), I just want to go home to Pampanga and forget everything. I know God is with me all the way but I just can't help feeling this way. It's so antagonizing...

Can the world please end... Now?