My life in ten or so years

I've taken a lot of quizzes on Facebook and some of them have these questions:

What do you see yourself doing ten years from now?
Where do you see yourself ten years from now?

I always answer that I see myself working, but in what line? Yes, I've taken up BA Journalism but is that really where I belong? 'Cause right now I'm having doubts whether I should continue the program or shift to Creative Writing (which is, like, my forte or something). It's not just because of Clarence, mind you (although that could be a consolation...). I've thought about future plans, goals, and my present interests. I asked myself where I would want to immerse myself. Television? Radio? Newspaper? I don't think so. Even as a student, I've already begun to see the crisis our media is suffering, especially the problems which lie on corruption. I don't want to build my life around those things. I want to be happy, because happiness is the most important thing in my life. As long as I'm happy, I'm okay. I mean, I could spend a whole day at a library and be happy just looking at the titles. (Yes, I am that shallow) Also, I think that mass communication is too vibrant, too colorful, for me. I'm more of an alone person. I don't want noise; I just want peace. I even prefer nights over the day and rain over sunshine. I'm not emo, you have to understand that. I just want to be alone and think things through. I'm not that serious either. When I say think things through, I mean day dream. That's why I shirk from people. I'm even having problems making friends or opening up to new acquaintances. I don't trust people that easily. So I think Creative Writing would be better. I'm aware that collaborations exist but you can always choose to work on your own. That is so contrary to the nature of journalism, where you run around interviewing people, gathering facts, and distributing them to people. Well, that's not what I want.

I want to be lazy. I want to be free. I want to hold my own time. I don't want to be imprisoned every day in a white patrol car. I don't want talking to people. I just want to be on my own. That's why I'm having second thoughts. And I totally don't know what to do, especially now that the first semester is nearing its end.

Oh, God, help me! I don't know what to do.

I know that if I choose something and I'm not happy with the outcome, I'll just be the loser in the end. I'll suck. I'll be the one to suffer. Man, why can't I decide? This is so hard.

I envy those people who would stick to their dream jobs. But, me? Oh, I don't know. Maybe for some people the work of a journalist and a creative writer are the same: writing. For me, no, that's not true. For one, a creative writer loves his adjectives. I love my adjectives! I cannot let them go! I don't want to be someone I'm not.

Oh, God.

Can't I just stop school?

Nah. Bad idea.

But I don't know what to do!

I don't want to waste four years of my life studying Journalism when, after all, I was made for Creative Writing. How loser does that sound to you? That is so gross. So stupid. I don't want to be stupid.

I do know one thing, though. I want to write. Books and stories mean everything to me. I cannot let them go. They're my world. They're more important than video games and anime. If they're gone... Then, just kill me, please.

... Maybe I just need to take a retreat, like Noynoy Aquino, and think a lot of things through. Or just go see a guidance counselor.

Anyway, dear blog, thank you for helping me take a load off my mind.

See you soon!