Confessions

I've got a confession to make.

I am turning into a history buff.

Ever since my uncle first introduced me to Ambeth Ocampo's Looking Back, Dirty Dancing, and Death by Garrote, I have been hooked into his books. Right now I'm reading Rizal without the overcoat. I learned a lot of things about our national hero that makes him more 'human'. After that, I want to borrow Luna's moustache.

The thing is, history in Ocampo's essays came alive for me, unlike the boring discussions we used to get in classrooms. Graciano Lopez-Jaena was rendered real with that funny little anecdote about his dirty coat and how his peers would force him to write with a round of drinks. Commonwealth President Manuel Quezon was no longer just the face on a twenty peso bill. I found Andres Bonifacio and Gregoria de Jesus' story very romantic and dramatic, stuff for a primetime telenovela. Actually, the lives of all our heroes could be made into telenovelas, if producers only paid more attention to our history and culture rather than thinking that the people still like mushy love stories with a lot of violence.

It was also quite interesting that even though Jose Rizal is our national hero there is still so much that we don't know about the man. There are dozens of documents pertaining to him and yet students only know two facts: he wrote the Noli and El Fili and was shot on Bagumbayan (now Luneta). There are so many things we miss out on because we're too lazy to read and dig up all these interesting tidbits about our heroes that make them human. For instance, I discovered that Rizal is so thrifty that he would often leave the boarding house to stroll outside. He would look into the windows of restaurants and watch people eat. Then he would go back to the house with a straight face, leaving his landlady thinking that he had enjoyed a good meal. It is also interesting that Filipinos abroad before and today's Overseas Filipino Workers (OFW) have something in common: they both longed for Filipino food. Our heroes had stocks of bagoong and in one essay, it was said that Rizal's specialty was pancit. Fancy Rizal, del Pilar, the Lunas, and their friends eating pancit in Madrid!

The point is, we would appreciate our history more if we only took the time to do more research. I'm dying to go to museums and risk the allergic reactions to see for myself what stuff our heroes left us. Given the chance, I'd love to go around Fort Santiago and see it with clearer eyes.

Random post :)

As I type this I'm in an internet cafe with the purpose of uploading the photos of flowers I took on Facebook. It was hot so it was really quite a chore to snap 'em but they turned out fine. I just found out that I love shadows - at least, the way they appeared on this set of pictures.

I'm done reading I is for Innocent and the review will probably come over the weekend. It's one of the best books in the Alphabet Mysteries and the time I spent rummaging for it was so worth it. I'm now exploring - back to - Prince Edward Island with L.M. Montgomery's Chronicles of Avonlea. Next in the line-up is, of course, Further Chronicles of Avonlea. I'm hoping I could purchase a copy of U is for Undertow in a real bookstore, since I can't afford to wait any longer.

I haven't written the reviews for the movies I watched over the Christmas break, such as Into the Wild, My Sister's Keeper, Never Let Me Go, and Rosario. I hope I can get into the spirit, somehow. :P

I have chosen my topic for our final essay in Pol Sc 14. It's going to be the hog and poultry farm problem in Porac - something near to my... place of residence. Choosing for Kas 118 is a chore because I can't think of any. I'll probably go with former Isabela leader Grace Padaca (if I got that name right).

I think I'll be doing a puppet show for my Comm 130 presentation. It's kind of hard to write a skit about Laura Mulvey's theory of visual pleasure but I'll try my best.

The list of movies I'm planning to download just got longer. I'm adding The Departed and The Godfather trilogy (because my Film 100 professor said they're good films).

The song I'm listening to most of the time is Feels like Home by Chantal Kreviazuk from Dawson's Creek. Edwina Hayes has a version of it on My Sister's Keeper, which is where I first heard it. Give it a try. :)

Good news, peeps! Our STFAP bracket just went down to C. That means 600 per unit so we're really in a jolly, jolly mood right now. Thank God! Goodbye, money woes!

That's it for now. :D

Book Review - Winnie-the-Pooh by A. A. Milne

Rating: 10/10

Winnie-the-Pooh is the first book written by A. A. Milne about the beloved Edward Bear, more famously known as Winnie-the-Pooh. This collection of stories tells the reader about the first adventures of Pooh and his friends. From Pooh and Piglet trying to catch a Heffalump to helping Piglet during a flood, this book will enchant readers of all ages.

Book Review - Sphere by Michael Crichton

Rating: 9/10

On the bottom of the Pacific Ocean, the U.S. Government discovered a spacecraft of enormous size. It could only have come from outer space, so a team of scientists is brought underwater to discover the secrets of the craft. What they find is astounding: the growth of coral around the ship proves that it has been lying there for over 300 years.

The summary, indeed, is intriguing, and Crichton doesn't fail to satisfy that. Every turn, every plot twist is exciting, suspenseful, and ultimately dangerous. It's one of his best works, undeniably.

Book Review - The Andromeda Strain by Michael Crichton

Rating: 7/10

One of Project Scoop's satellites had just crashed onto an obscure town in Arizona. Two personnel are dispatched to retrieve it, but when they arrive at the town of Piedmont, dead bodies are strewn everywhere. Soon enough, they were both dead. The situation plunges the headquarters into alarm. What had caused the instantaneous deaths? Elsewhere, the Wildfire team, headed by prominent bacteriologist Jeremy Stone, is alerted of the contamination. Can this group of scientists find the culprit for these deaths? And can they find a cure in time to save others?

It's a 1969 novel by Michael Crichton, who is one of my favorite writers. However, for a Crichton novel, I didn't find it exactly engrossing as, say, Jurassic Park or The Terminal Man. The tension, the suspense is completely lost on me, although the language used wasn't exactly as "scientific" as his other books. There was only one scene where I "felt it": the final sequence with Hall, although I also found it lacking.

The Andromeda Strain leaves much to be desired. In spite of the "rave reviews" printed on the cover and on the first pages, I didn't find it as appealing. (Of course, I'm operating on "like" here.)

Book Review - J is for Judgment by Sue Grafton

Rating: 8/10

Wendell Jaffe's wife had just collected insurance money after a lengthy fight with California Fidelity. All seem to be satisfied, until a former insurance agent spots him in a hotel in Mexico. Now Gordon Titus, the "boss" who fired her, wants to hire Kinsey Millhone to find out the truth.

What's interesting about this novel is that Kinsey finds out she has family in Lompoc. That's surprising since she's such a grumpy lady, that she doesn't entertain thoughts of family. J is for Judgment is pretty much exciting, in its own way.

Book Review - O is for Outlaw by Sue Grafton

Rating: 9/10

Mickey Magruder, Kinsey Millhone's first husband, is suddenly catapulted back into her life when a letter she should have read years ago is found. Fourteen years ago, Mickey was involved in a manslaughter case and subsequently quit the force. That was when Kinsey walked out on him. Now the overriding sense of guilt fills her and she has the impulse to look for him again... Only to find that Mickey is in comatose after being shot twice. Now Kinsey must unravel the knots that led to his current state.

(The summary is pretty boring, I know. Pssh.)

O is for Outlaw is one of the best Sue Grafton novels I've read for quite some time. Here, Grafton gives the reader a fresh take on Kinsey's humanity. I think the "Epilogue" is pretty dramatic, considering Kinsey's abhorrence for any familial ties. It's like looking into another part of the hardened, always grumpy P.I.

Book Review - S is for Silence by Sue Grafton

Rating: 9/10

It's been three decades since Violet Sullivan, notorious for her sexual behavior, disappeared one July 4th. But her only daughter is having a hard time dealing with the uncertainty of the loss. So Daisy hires PI Kinsey Millhone to track down her mother - be she alive or dead.

S is for Silence is the closest thing to T is for Trespass' sense of suspense. It's actually a very interesting novel, with chapters about the different characters Kinsey encounters in her investigation. It's amazing how much people are hiding from others...

Letter to God

Dear God,

God, I don't know if You really notice me, but I'm one of those who, for some reason or another, leave and then come back again when problems arise. I don't know how You could put up with that, but everytime I come running back, Your arms are always spread, ready to take me into Your arms. It's great to know that You're always there to pick me up and embrace me just when I need to be embraced. I feel guilty, though. I feel bad that I'm just using You as a safety net, as just a shoulder to cry on and nothing more. But, God, I'm trying my hardest to change that. That's why I want to be strong.

I want to be strong, God, for my family. I study in a university that is some hours away from home. I always feel homesick no matter how many times I've come and gone. It always feels like the first day I came into the dormitory - I think I cried myself to sleep that time. There's just this heart-wrenching feeling I can't get rid of. That's how much I love my family, God, and I really want to be strong for them. It's not that I want to stop loving them, I just want to really realize deep inside that I'm doing this for them... That I have to be separated from them for a while so we could enjoy a better life someday. I go home every weekend, God, but sometimes I think time spent with them is not enough, especially now that my mom is in another country. I just want to be with them every second of the day, God. I want to know that they're nearby, that I could embrace them anytime I could, that I could always hear their voices, see them... But, God, sometimes things have to be given up so that life could get better.

Which brings me, God, to this point: I'm not entirely confident that I can survive this semester. There's just so much pressure, God - more than I could use. I'm a laid-back person but I've been a University Scholar for three semesters. God, I don't want to give that up. You know how I've been way back then: the achiever, the one with the highest grades, the one at the top, the smartest in the class. But when I came into the university, God, I realized how small I really was. I'm so afraid of failure, God. I don't ever want to be a failure. I survived the last three semesters but... I don't want to have to put everybody down, which includes my family and my friends. I feel like so much is expected. Even though they assure me that I don't have to ace every subject, I know, I really know that they'll be really disappointed if I get a 3 or a 5.

And that's exactly why I need Your help, God. I don't know how I can finish all my requirements. I've never been much of a sociable person. I don't know why I ever took up Journalism since it involves a lot of interviews and running around. I'm not interested in politics and reading academic books. I don't know how to write a term paper properly - an essay even. I have no idea how I'm going to do this. I don't want to drop a subject, God...

I know there are other students who have heavier loads than I do. But I get the feeling that they're faring better than I am. They're probably not worrying about anything. But here I am, fretting about the coming days. I just don't know... I don't think I'm ready, God.

Maybe I have lost some of my faith in Your power. Somehow, I know that I can do this with Your help, but sometimes I forget. I often forget, and this makes me sad. Increasingly sad.

When I see my dad, I don't know how he can trust You so much. He practically gave everything He has to You. Sometimes he doesn't even have enough time for us, and I always have to convince myself that it's okay, it's alright, but most of the time I feel like hating him for it. But I love my dad so, so much. I just don't know how he could do that for You. I don't know how He could entrust our family's savings to You. I don't know how we ever get by...

So, God, I want to ask You again (I know we've had these conversations countless times but...) for Your help. Please help me do this. I really, really want to pass. I'm so afraid of making mistakes, God, even if I know that it's part of our humanity to err. Failure scares me. Saying this, I know I'm not the most faithful child You'll ever have. I'm not always good. I can't devote myself like others are doing. There are so many things I can't do, so many things I can't be. But, God, please help me to change this. Please help me to recognize that You are always in control. No matter what happens, God, You will be there. You've made that promise before, and it stayed true. Please help me to remember that failure is okay as long as I get back up, that You are a shoulder to cry on, that You are the friend who will stick with me no matter what, that Your arms are always open for the lost. Please help me to remember this, and more. But most of all, please help to know that no matter what happens, I will always be Your child and You will always be my Father.

God, please hold my hand.

Your child.

Book Review - Graceling by Kristin Cashore

Rating: 8/10

Katsa, niece of King Randa, is Graced with killing. She could wield any weapon effectively - and even kill a man with her bare hands. For many years her uncle had her under his control, doing his dirty work. But when she meets the Lienid Prince Po, Katsa has no idea of how her life is about to change.

I liked the novel very much. I can feel the characters "grow" with every passing chapter; they're also very interesting, especially Bitterblue who is forever mysterious (in this novel, at least). But, in my opinion, it could have been better. There are some things in it that could be altered a little. It's a satisfying novel, but I don't see it being turned into a movie (unlike A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray which I could imagine vividly). Somehow, it's hard to imagine Graceling as a film...

As for the themes discussed in the story, it's pretty obvious that Kristin Cashore is talking "feminism" here. There are about a hundred clues throughout the book. I like her approach.

For a debut novel, Graceling is amazing. :)